So,
we've heard all of the jokes about Mother's Day vs. Father's Day. For Mother's
Day book your brunch reservation a month in advance or you won't get a table.
Father's Day...? Well, there's plenty of room in the restaurant, that's if
dad's not already cooking dinner himself out on the grill. Mother's Day it's
hard to find a seat in church because of course everyone goes to church with
mom on Mother's day. Father's Day... does Father's Day actually fall on the
same day as church? When it comes to music there's "I'll Always Love My
Mamma," "Dear Mama", "A Song For Mama." For father's,
there's "Papa Was A Rolling Stone." And of course, those images on
television and the big screen make one wonder "is every guy out here a
dead-beat dad?" But let's look at the reality. Despite what the statistics
say there are incredible men who do a wonderful job of being a strong Husband
and Father. A shout out to actor Wood Harris who portrays a great Husband and
Father character in the current streaming sensation "Forever." We
wanted to buck the trend, so we asked a group of strong black men what it means
to be both Husband and Father. Let's celebrate 5 (out of the many) thoughts
that they shared.
Foundation
A
number of the men who responded shared their sense of being a foundation for
their family. When we think of foundation, we recognize that everything that is
build is started with a foundation. The purpose of a foundation is to transfer
the weight of the structure to the ground, providing stability and preventing
it from sinking or shifting. Does that not sound like the role of a Husband and
Father? Foundation is biblical. In Matthew 16:18 Jesus told Peter, "Upon
this rock I will build my church." That says as men we recognize that we
must be strong to stand in support of the entire structure. As black men we often have to live out the words written in Psalm 118:22: "The stone
that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone." As the foundation
for our families and our communities we have often been rejected but still
stand strong. We are grateful for our men who show up and embrace being a
foundation for their family.
Responsibility
There's
something special about owning up to a sense of responsibility. There is an
African proverb out of Kenya that says, "A person who carries
responsibility also receives the blame." This is in alignment in what
we're told in Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her." These words sound scary for some, but
as Husband and Fathers we embrace this wonderful opportunity. We thrive in
responsibility.
Unwavering Commitment
One
who has the pleasure of serving as Husband and Father takes on the banner of an
unwavering commitment, no matter what. It is a type of "nevertheless"
I'm here and I will be here. When the child that I love dearly goes against
what I've been teaching, when they make a mistake; I pledge to stand strong and
committed. When my wife and I have a different opinion on parenting a child,
regardless of the decision we make, I must serve with an unwavering commitment.
This is what allows your family to be vulnerable to you. It's the knowledge
that you will be there, no matter what.
Leading With Love
Love
is a choice. Love is a verb. To lead with love is a choice to guide your family
with compassion, joy and peace. Leading with love means you can't just sit idly
by and watch what happens. Leading with love calls on a Husband and Father to
sacrifice. It means making decisions or choices that sometimes are contrary to
what we would rather do. Sometimes leading with love calls for us to do things
which may prove to be unpopular, but it's in those times when our love must
display compassion, joy, and peace. This is when it's most important to
remember the words of 1 Corinthians 13:8b "Love Never Fails." That
holds true in the best of times and in the worst of times.
Rooted In Faith
In
the end, it all comes down to our spiritual leadership which is rooted in our
faith in God. When we asked men what it means to be Husband and Father almost
everyone responded with some aspect of being grounded in our faith and taking
on the role as spiritual leader, which is in effect servant. "The greatest
among you shall be your servant." Serving as Husband and Father will
certainly keep you on your knees. Being the foundation who serves with a sense
of responsibility, and unwavering commitment and leads with love, can only be
accomplished by continuing to be grounded in our Faith. That means a daily
commitment to those things which will strengthen our faith.
I
love being a Husband and Father. I salute those single dads who live up to
their commitments and handle their business. I appreciate single moms who have
to fill in the gap and be both mom and dad all at the same time. I recognize
all of the great men who by choice or by circumstance are not fathers. The
words on this page are not to denigrate any of these groups. We just want to
take a moment to celebrate the blessing and distinct honor it is to be called
Husband and Father. Thank you, God, for the opportunity. Help us live up to
this great honor!