It's not about a fat bank account or a lot of sex. If you
want harmony in a marriage, it all starts with Communication. We've all heard it, right? Yet, despite our best intentions, many couples
find themselves locked in cycles of conflict, struggling to effectively
communicate with each other. Recent research conducted by The Joy of Marriage
in collaboration with The Heart of Marriage Retreat sheds light on a troubling
trend that we all know too well: communication consistently emerges as the most
common source of conflict in marriages.
In our study, which surveyed couples from various
backgrounds and relationship stages, preliminary results indicate that an
overwhelming 62% of respondents identify communication as the primary source of
conflict when disagreements arise. While it may come as no surprise that
intimacy and finances also rank high on the list of marital stressors, what is
striking is the pervasive influence of poor communication in exacerbating these
conflicts.
So why can't we talk? That's a big question. It's such a big
question that we're dedicating a blog series that asks that question: Why
Can't We Talk? We want to focus on the many keys to improving communication
in our marriages. If we improve our communication, we can improve our marriage.
In the first installment of our "Why Can't We Talk?"
series, we delve into a foundational principle: Assume Good Intent. Too
often, we approach conversations with our spouses defensively, bracing
ourselves for criticism or conflict. This is especially prevalent when our
spouse asks us a question. Instead of simply answering the question, we try to
anticipate what our spouse really wants to know and typically we're thinking
about the topic in a negative light. Maybe they are not questioning us, they
are just asking a question because they don't know the answer. What if we
shifted our perspective in our conversations and assumed that our spouse's
words come from a place of love and concern or in some cases, just plain old
curiosity?
To Assume Good Intent, we must listen with an open
mind and a compassionate heart, recognizing that our spouse's words are not
meant to harm but to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs. By embracing
this mindset, we create a safe space for open and honest communication,
fostering trust and understanding in our marriage.
As the apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4:8,
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or
praiseworthy - think about such things." This timeless wisdom reminds us
to focus our thoughts on the positive aspects of our spouse, their intentions,
and the strengths of our relationship. When we listen with humility and
empathy, we pave the way for deeper connection and intimacy within our marriage.
In the next installment of "Why Can't We Talk?" we will
tackle the topic "In Order To Listen, You Must Listen." For now, let us embrace
the transformative power in our marriage when we Assume Good Intent!